a beautiful mess

 

Can I just be honest?

I am a mess.

I mean, it is really bad sometimes. Sometimes, I am such a mess, that I would almost consider it a disaster.

I am overwhelmed.
I am impatient and crabby.
I *sigh* too audibly.
I'm disorganized.
I make mistakes.
I let people down.
I'm out of shape.
I have a messy house.
Sometimes I am so stressed or anxious that my body shuts down on me.
I say things I regret.
I make bad choices.
I worry.
I make excuses.
I can be negative.
I dwell on my shortcomings.

The CRAZY thing is - and this is what I wrestle with every.single.day - is that I know - I KNOW - that I have been made for so much more.

I recently wrote, "greatness seems pretty far away when there are dishes piled to the ceiling and your kid has been wearing the same pajamas for three days."

The OTHER crazy thing is that after I wrote that...after I put myself out there, and was just really honest, and real, and vulnerable.  Even embarrassed.

After I decided to take that leap and expose some of my weaknesses more than I ever had before. There's been a shift. A change. I've been realizing, and seeing, and believing, that God is actually using me through the mess.

Things are happening.
God's greatness feels closer.

I didn't think I could hear God this audibly in this mess. I didn't think I could pray with people or encourage them like this in this mess. I didn't think I could see clearly in this mess.

Yet, here I am in my messiness, and I am hearing. I am praying. I am encouraging. I am finding clarity.  More than I have in a long time. 

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.
I am finding the beauty in the mess.

I don't WANT to be a mess or stay a mess. I'm bothered by it. I'm often smothered by it. There are some things that are truly not as they should be and have to change.

But if I wait. If I wait for the mess to be cleaned up. If I wait for all my ducks to get in a row already. If I wait for the perfect timing.

I may always be waiting.

I'm not going to wait. I can't wait.

One of the cool things about God is that He is know for using people that are ordinary. He uses people that are all kinds of messy.

You've probably seen this list of people in the Bible and their shortcomings. Their mess.

Abraham lied.
Sarah laughed at God's promises.
Moses had a short fuse.
Jacob was a liar.
David had an affair.
Lazarus was dead.
John was self-righteous.
Jonah ran from God.
Thomas doubted.
Jeremiah was depressed.
Elijah was burned out.
John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
Martha was a worrier.
Noah got drunk.

See, that all seems a little messy. 

But aren't we ALL a little bit of a mess?

Thank God that He uses us right where we are. Thank God He uses regular, ordinary people. He sets us apart and he calls us by name.

He justifies us. Justified means marked for a good and legitimate reason, or made righteous in the sight of God. He justifies me. Even in my chaotic, icky, unworthy messiness. Now THAT is crazy.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun. 

-Romans 8:30 (MSG)

I'm so thankful that there is so much more to me than my shortcomings. I'm so glad that in the midst of whatever else is going on, there are still great things happening. It feels like something is really stirring.  Some days are so hard and the tasks seem too daunting.  BUT God will stay with me to the end and complete what he began.  Seriously, there is almost a tangible hope.  There is so much beauty right here in the mess.

A beautiful mess. I'll take it.

 All Around.

Hope is springing up from this old ground.

Out of chaos life is being found in You.

You make beautiful things.

You make beautiful things out of the dust.

You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out of us.

 "Beautiful Things" by Gungor

 

 

 

God,

Please make my mess beautiful. I want to be called and used by you NOW. Do a work in me, so that you can work through me. I thank you for the calling you have on my life, even when it's messy.

I pray that you turn my overwhelmed into ease, impatience into self-restraint, crabbiness into happiness, sighs into laughter, worry into peace, stress into faith, negativity into joy. Help me be organized, make better choices, build people up, choose my words carefully and kindly, own my mistakes, and take responsibilities of my actions. I pray that through you, I can let go of the things I've been forgiven for and delivered from.

God, YOU make beautiful things. I pray that you continue the work you started in me.

In Jesus Name,

Amen




*I occasionally follow an artist's blog called "A Beautiful Mess", and I love the song "Beautiful Disaster" performed by Kelly Clarkson.  Both phrases were inspiration to write this post.