stop honking your horn

It seems like lately, I get honked at almost once a week. Seriously, nothing irks me more while driving than being honked at. If I am about to get in a terrible accident, please, by all means, honk at me. Please stop me from putting myself and my family in danger. That is really noble of you.

If we are not in danger, do not honk your horn at me. Please don't.

Just stop honking your horn.

You may be thinking I'm probably a terrible driver and deserve to be honked at. No. I just don't think so.

Then what am I doing to get honked at so often? Oh, I don't know...driving? No, really. Lately people are honking their horn ALL the time. For anything.

Maybe I decided I didn't have time to turn left during the yellow light. Maybe I looked down for a second and didn't go the very second the light turned green. Maybe I was going slowly down a residential street to read an address. Maybe I stopped for a pedestrian.

Whatever the reason, it was not ok by someone else's standards and someone else felt the need to let me know how much they disapproved. How I could be doing better. How they didn't like what I was doing. How it annoyed them. How that's not what they would have done.

Well, here's the thing. This is not a blog about driving.

I've been bothered by this honking issue for awhile now, and it dawned on me that is going on in all aspects of life. This honking is happening on the road and in our relationships. On the internet where we can hide behind our computer screens. One friend told me that I should consider writing about moms being judgmental of other moms. How sad that this is such a problem! We are honking our real and metaphorical horns ALL the time. It's kind of an epidemic.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't have to honk my horn unless it is an emergency. Unless someone is in danger or is seriously going to cause a major catastrophe.

I don't have to honk my horn whenever I am bothered.

I don't have to say everything that comes to mind.

Guess what? Nobody wants to be corrected. Yes, sometimes it's necessary. If you are my friend or loved one, and want to say something to me in love, of course, you should! If you want to correct something that I already feel bad about, then maybe it's not necessary. If you have to say something, say it in a really loving way.

Because.

Don't you think I know? Believe me, I keep a huge list of my shortcomings right here in my noggin. Do you think I need you to point them out to me?

My husband, bless his heart, does a lot of things that bother me. I feel the need to remind him all the time. I usually sigh heavily first, and then dive into what he did wrong. He's going to get such a big head, but I'll still admit it. He hardly ever tells me what I am doing wrong. He must be bothered by the little things I do too, but he rarely mentions them.

I actually don't think he knows what he is doing half the time with these little things that bother me. Maybe I should say something so he stops doing them.

Well, first of all, no. I've been reminding him for almost 9 years now, and he's not catching on. I'm not sure he ever will. Second of all, he may not remember to rinse his dish, but he WILL remember that his wife always has something to complain about. That his wife is always correcting him.

Why do I need to tell him everything he does wrong? Can I not overlook some minor annoyances and see and appreciate him for all that he is and as the man that I love?

I don't have to say everything that comes to my mind.

Like I said, sometimes a warning or correction truly is necessary. But before laying on the horn, I should ask myself:

Will it warn or keep safe?
Will it edify?
Will it encourage?
Will it be given in love?
Will it be received in love?
Is this something that truly needs to change?
Have I prayed about it and do I feel certain the Holy Spirit is leading me?

I should NOT honk my horn if:

It will be done in anger or jealousy.
The hurt it brings will be more costly than the result.
I am unsure if it is truth or just MY opinion.
It is unnecessary to growth or salvation.
I just want to be right.

So, what can I do instead of saying something negative, hurtful, unhelpful or critical?

ENCOURAGE
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

BUILD UP
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

EDIFY and DEVELOP
So let us then definitely aim for and eagerly pursue what makes for harmony and for mutual upbuilding (edification and development) of one another. Romans 14:19

BE FULL of GRACE
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6 NIV

BRING out the BEST
Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out. Colossians 4:6 The Message

As long as it's not an emergency, I have time to encourage, build up, edify, develop, be full of grace, and bring out the best BEFORE turning to loving correction, and certainly before judgment.

And I might add, if there is someone in my life that I see struggling, and could feel tempted to look upon harshly, maybe I could find a way to help them instead of judge them. A hot meal goes a long way to making a struggling Momma feel loved. Or something else. But maybe I could DO something positive and helpful, instead of thinking or saying something unkind.

So, when driving, and living life in general, let's remember: Just because we have a horn and CAN use it, doesn't mean we SHOULD.

We need to start loving and giving grace and STOP honking our horns.