enough is enough

So, I've  been struggling with something for awhile now. Oh, I don't know...maybe for like 20 years or so.

I've been struggling with the "I'm not ever GOOD ENOUGH thoughts". Just like the

caps-lock, my thoughts yell at me. Mistakes I've made try to suffocate me. Even when I do give my all and feel like I've done my best, it can end up feeling like it's just not enough.

It feels like I'm not enough.

 

Some nights I lay in bed over-analyzing every conversation I had that day. Every activity. Every task. I think about how I wasn't good enough. I think about how I'm failing. God, am I failing? Don't worry, the nights I don't over-edit my day, I fall asleep immediately due to exhaustion (or due to the fact I stayed up an hour too late watching Chicago Fire) - ha!

I do take steps to build myself up.  I surround myself with family and friends that encourage me. But sometimes it just doesn't matter - my thoughts threaten to tear me down.

 

Thoughts like these...

You are not a good enough friend.  You cancelled. Again. You didn't call her back and you didn't use a happy emoji after your text. What will she think?

 

You're not a good enough wife.  Most husbands don't have to dig through a basket to find matching socks. A good wife would greet her husband EVERY night when he walks in the door.

You aren't a good enough mother. You yelled. You got frustrated over something small. You don't play with them enough.

 

You are not fit and healthy. You fell off the bandwagon again. Don't you want to succeed at this?

You don't try hard enough. You make goals and you hardly ever reach them. 

The list goes on.

 

It's painful to read isn't it?  Maybe you have thoughts like this too.

 

It's extremely difficult for me to admit that my thoughts can start down this "not good enough" path.  I would never talk to someone else this way. No way. Never.

 

So, why do I let these thoughts get to me? 

 

I hear phrases like "you were made for more", and "you're destined for greatness".  And I believe this wholeheartedly. 

I do. 

But...

Greatness seems pretty far away when there are dishes piled to the ceiling and your kid has been wearing the same pajamas for three days. 

Right? 

I know it IS healthy to take a good look within and find what I need to work on, but dwelling on shortcomings and defeat is NOT a healthy way to live.

So how do I maintain a healthy viewpoint of myself?

Well first and foremost, I have to forgive myself when I make a mistake, or don't measure up to my own - or anyone else's expectations.

 

 1. I don't have to let my thoughts linger on the past. I can set my sights on the future and doing better.
   Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.  See, I am doing a new thing! - 
   Isaiah 43:18-19       

2. I have to remember that God makes all things new.
   Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the kid has gone, the new has
   come! - 2 Corinthians 5:17

3. Just because someTHING that I've done doesn't seem good enough, that doesn't mean that *I* am not good enough!

4. Get together with family and friends and be REAL.  When I do this, I walk away uplifted, renewed, and feeling like most people are going through "stuff" too!

So, tell me more about being good enough...

This is what I am trying to remember.

I am enough. (Self: listen up, YOU ARE ENOUGH.)

 1. God called me and has given me everything I need for a Godly life.   

   His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our
   knowledge of  him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 2 Peter 1:3

 

  

2. I am precious to God, even if I am rejected by people (or myself). God called me.

   As you come to him, the living Stone--rejected by humans but chosen by God and

   precious to him--But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation,
   God's special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you
   out of darkness into his wonderful light. - 1 Peter 2:4, 2:9

 

 3. I may fail over and over, but God is my strength. God never fails.

   My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion

   forever."  - Psalm 73:26

     

4. Above all, God's grace is enough.  
   But he said to me, "My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in
   weakness." So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the
   power of Christ may reside in me. - 2 Corinthians 12:9
          I guess this blog, and me writing, is a way that I can "boast most gladly about my weaknesses," however
          exposed and vulnerable I may feel. I certainly long for God's power to live in me.


I am equipped, prepared, called, and chosen through HIS divine power...because GOD is ENOUGH.

And In Conclusion...

Don't worry.  Accepting that "I am enough" through Christ will not make me complacent.  I will never stop striving to be my best. I will just try forgive myself, and accept where God has me more completely than I have in the past. I know I will have "not good enough" moments, and I hope to reflect quickly and thoughtfully so I don't get stuck in a rut of negative thinking.  I also try to understand that if I give my best, that is always enough.  As Maya Angelou said, "Do the best you can until you know better. Then do better."

Do your best. Forgive yourself. Know that you are enough. Learn and grow. Do better.

Rinse and repeat. 


So, let's all agree that we've had enough of the destructive, "not good enough" thoughts already.

Enough is enough.
 

(But seriously, I need to be a better Mom. I'm pretty sure the baby just ate a waffle that's been in my purse since Friday.)