stop honking your horn

It seems like lately, I get honked at almost once a week. Seriously, nothing irks me more while driving than being honked at. If I am about to get in a terrible accident, please, by all means, honk at me. Please stop me from putting myself and my family in danger. That is really noble of you.

If we are not in danger, do not honk your horn at me. Please don't.

Just stop honking your horn.

You may be thinking I'm probably a terrible driver and deserve to be honked at. No. I just don't think so.

Then what am I doing to get honked at so often? Oh, I don't know...driving? No, really. Lately people are honking their horn ALL the time. For anything.

Maybe I decided I didn't have time to turn left during the yellow light. Maybe I looked down for a second and didn't go the very second the light turned green. Maybe I was going slowly down a residential street to read an address. Maybe I stopped for a pedestrian.

Whatever the reason, it was not ok by someone else's standards and someone else felt the need to let me know how much they disapproved. How I could be doing better. How they didn't like what I was doing. How it annoyed them. How that's not what they would have done.

Well, here's the thing. This is not a blog about driving.

I've been bothered by this honking issue for awhile now, and it dawned on me that is going on in all aspects of life. This honking is happening on the road and in our relationships. On the internet where we can hide behind our computer screens. One friend told me that I should consider writing about moms being judgmental of other moms. How sad that this is such a problem! We are honking our real and metaphorical horns ALL the time. It's kind of an epidemic.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't have to honk my horn unless it is an emergency. Unless someone is in danger or is seriously going to cause a major catastrophe.

I don't have to honk my horn whenever I am bothered.

I don't have to say everything that comes to mind.

Guess what? Nobody wants to be corrected. Yes, sometimes it's necessary. If you are my friend or loved one, and want to say something to me in love, of course, you should! If you want to correct something that I already feel bad about, then maybe it's not necessary. If you have to say something, say it in a really loving way.

Because.

Don't you think I know? Believe me, I keep a huge list of my shortcomings right here in my noggin. Do you think I need you to point them out to me?

My husband, bless his heart, does a lot of things that bother me. I feel the need to remind him all the time. I usually sigh heavily first, and then dive into what he did wrong. He's going to get such a big head, but I'll still admit it. He hardly ever tells me what I am doing wrong. He must be bothered by the little things I do too, but he rarely mentions them.

I actually don't think he knows what he is doing half the time with these little things that bother me. Maybe I should say something so he stops doing them.

Well, first of all, no. I've been reminding him for almost 9 years now, and he's not catching on. I'm not sure he ever will. Second of all, he may not remember to rinse his dish, but he WILL remember that his wife always has something to complain about. That his wife is always correcting him.

Why do I need to tell him everything he does wrong? Can I not overlook some minor annoyances and see and appreciate him for all that he is and as the man that I love?

I don't have to say everything that comes to my mind.

Like I said, sometimes a warning or correction truly is necessary. But before laying on the horn, I should ask myself:

Will it warn or keep safe?
Will it edify?
Will it encourage?
Will it be given in love?
Will it be received in love?
Is this something that truly needs to change?
Have I prayed about it and do I feel certain the Holy Spirit is leading me?

I should NOT honk my horn if:

It will be done in anger or jealousy.
The hurt it brings will be more costly than the result.
I am unsure if it is truth or just MY opinion.
It is unnecessary to growth or salvation.
I just want to be right.

So, what can I do instead of saying something negative, hurtful, unhelpful or critical?

ENCOURAGE
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing. 1 Thessalonians 5:11

BUILD UP
Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Ephesians 4:29

EDIFY and DEVELOP
So let us then definitely aim for and eagerly pursue what makes for harmony and for mutual upbuilding (edification and development) of one another. Romans 14:19

BE FULL of GRACE
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6 NIV

BRING out the BEST
Be gracious in your speech. The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out. Colossians 4:6 The Message

As long as it's not an emergency, I have time to encourage, build up, edify, develop, be full of grace, and bring out the best BEFORE turning to loving correction, and certainly before judgment.

And I might add, if there is someone in my life that I see struggling, and could feel tempted to look upon harshly, maybe I could find a way to help them instead of judge them. A hot meal goes a long way to making a struggling Momma feel loved. Or something else. But maybe I could DO something positive and helpful, instead of thinking or saying something unkind.

So, when driving, and living life in general, let's remember: Just because we have a horn and CAN use it, doesn't mean we SHOULD.

We need to start loving and giving grace and STOP honking our horns.

a beautiful mess

 

Can I just be honest?

I am a mess.

I mean, it is really bad sometimes. Sometimes, I am such a mess, that I would almost consider it a disaster.

I am overwhelmed.
I am impatient and crabby.
I *sigh* too audibly.
I'm disorganized.
I make mistakes.
I let people down.
I'm out of shape.
I have a messy house.
Sometimes I am so stressed or anxious that my body shuts down on me.
I say things I regret.
I make bad choices.
I worry.
I make excuses.
I can be negative.
I dwell on my shortcomings.

The CRAZY thing is - and this is what I wrestle with every.single.day - is that I know - I KNOW - that I have been made for so much more.

I recently wrote, "greatness seems pretty far away when there are dishes piled to the ceiling and your kid has been wearing the same pajamas for three days."

The OTHER crazy thing is that after I wrote that...after I put myself out there, and was just really honest, and real, and vulnerable.  Even embarrassed.

After I decided to take that leap and expose some of my weaknesses more than I ever had before. There's been a shift. A change. I've been realizing, and seeing, and believing, that God is actually using me through the mess.

Things are happening.
God's greatness feels closer.

I didn't think I could hear God this audibly in this mess. I didn't think I could pray with people or encourage them like this in this mess. I didn't think I could see clearly in this mess.

Yet, here I am in my messiness, and I am hearing. I am praying. I am encouraging. I am finding clarity.  More than I have in a long time. 

What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.
I am finding the beauty in the mess.

I don't WANT to be a mess or stay a mess. I'm bothered by it. I'm often smothered by it. There are some things that are truly not as they should be and have to change.

But if I wait. If I wait for the mess to be cleaned up. If I wait for all my ducks to get in a row already. If I wait for the perfect timing.

I may always be waiting.

I'm not going to wait. I can't wait.

One of the cool things about God is that He is know for using people that are ordinary. He uses people that are all kinds of messy.

You've probably seen this list of people in the Bible and their shortcomings. Their mess.

Abraham lied.
Sarah laughed at God's promises.
Moses had a short fuse.
Jacob was a liar.
David had an affair.
Lazarus was dead.
John was self-righteous.
Jonah ran from God.
Thomas doubted.
Jeremiah was depressed.
Elijah was burned out.
John the Baptist was a loudmouth.
Martha was a worrier.
Noah got drunk.

See, that all seems a little messy. 

But aren't we ALL a little bit of a mess?

Thank God that He uses us right where we are. Thank God He uses regular, ordinary people. He sets us apart and he calls us by name.

He justifies us. Justified means marked for a good and legitimate reason, or made righteous in the sight of God. He justifies me. Even in my chaotic, icky, unworthy messiness. Now THAT is crazy.

God knew what he was doing from the very beginning. He decided from the outset to shape the lives of those who love him along the same lines as the life of his Son. The Son stands first in the line of humanity he restored. We see the original and intended shape of our lives there in him. After God made that decision of what his children should be like, he followed it up by calling people by name. After he called them by name, he set them on a solid basis with himself. And then, after getting them established, he stayed with them to the end, gloriously completing what he had begun. 

-Romans 8:30 (MSG)

I'm so thankful that there is so much more to me than my shortcomings. I'm so glad that in the midst of whatever else is going on, there are still great things happening. It feels like something is really stirring.  Some days are so hard and the tasks seem too daunting.  BUT God will stay with me to the end and complete what he began.  Seriously, there is almost a tangible hope.  There is so much beauty right here in the mess.

A beautiful mess. I'll take it.

 All Around.

Hope is springing up from this old ground.

Out of chaos life is being found in You.

You make beautiful things.

You make beautiful things out of the dust.

You make beautiful things.
You make beautiful things out of us.

 "Beautiful Things" by Gungor

 

 

 

God,

Please make my mess beautiful. I want to be called and used by you NOW. Do a work in me, so that you can work through me. I thank you for the calling you have on my life, even when it's messy.

I pray that you turn my overwhelmed into ease, impatience into self-restraint, crabbiness into happiness, sighs into laughter, worry into peace, stress into faith, negativity into joy. Help me be organized, make better choices, build people up, choose my words carefully and kindly, own my mistakes, and take responsibilities of my actions. I pray that through you, I can let go of the things I've been forgiven for and delivered from.

God, YOU make beautiful things. I pray that you continue the work you started in me.

In Jesus Name,

Amen




*I occasionally follow an artist's blog called "A Beautiful Mess", and I love the song "Beautiful Disaster" performed by Kelly Clarkson.  Both phrases were inspiration to write this post.